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19/08/09 - 'today, is the greatest day i've ever know'
( open )
"I can't contemplate the earth all while my head's in the sand" - " and imagine we were dead..counting all the things we never did" - "what are we waiting for? these years are dying slowly, today's still in front of us, we're breaking out. today is now or never"
But i've always wanted my first tattoo to be a lyrics by my chemical romance "You don't know a thing about my sins..how the misery begins" i think that would be gorgeous.
Anyway, today i was also looking at universities in England and looking forward to applying to some of them even if it is two years off, i suppose that's really not that long though. Cambridge would be...out of this world but I've made Bristol and Cardiff back-ups. I mean, the saying "Aim high, even if you miss you'll land amongst the stars" it would be pretty good either way, anything to get out of Wales. And the funny thing is, i adored my childhood here and i wouldn't change it for the world (maybe for nathan leone...no, no stay strong) but this place is just too...mundane? these days. Everywhere i go there's disheartened old people running businesses, there's drunk teenagers trying to drown their problems by just not facing them and there's the same old streets i know like the back of my hand. I adore the friends i have here and i would take every one of them with me if i could but half of them don't want to leave which terrifies me. How could you wish to stay in the same place for your whole life? why would you want that, i just don't understand at all.
I'd love to live in London, it's all happening there and there's so much more life and opportunity out there but it seems that nobody wants to reach out and grab it. If i ever reach twenty three (out of uni) and have not moved from wales i will discard my life as a failure. I must have become so tied down i'd lost my dream somewhere along the way.
*please, don't ever let me waste a minute of my life..*
Or idealy New York. Ugh, it would have been incredible to have had a teen-hood there but i guess i wouldn't be who i am right now. I guess i wouldn't have these dreams of something bigger, something better than just what's -good enough- which reminds me of the lyric "Before my hands had the chance to grow old, i was told "good enough's as good as it's gunna get..yeahs good enough's as good as you'll ever get" by Taking Back Sunday, i love them to bits and Adam's from Long Island, aside from many other places.
So, i want to get a Bass guitar this year, hopefully for Christmas or even better, for my birthday in October. That could be another possible escape, via band touring. That would be the most perfect life for me..being creative for money, new town with new people to meet every single night, saying what i want to be said and trying to make a difference in the world..and i suppose we have some pretty damn good role models from Wales. Lost prophets, Bullet for my valentine which are actually from my home town. Kids in glass houses and the black out /: i guess anything is possible, but this..would make me the happiest person alive.
I read something in the library today (hey i gotta go there if ima get into a uni lol) it was a book title "Be your own happiness" and it looked really good but it was a big ass book so i'll have to go back to check it out when i have more energy and not come straight from the gym. Anyways it said in there that its a personal choice how you see things and even though its carved into your thinking pattern subconsciously, you can always change it. Which gave me a lot of hope.
You know what, i'm going to shut up now. Its nice to get everything out of my head for a little while too.
"It's late at night and the world's asleep and i'm trying not to think, i take some pills cause my mind bleeds..i'm thinking what is wrong with me?!" House of Cards.
I'm currently also in love with Nathan Leone, motherfucker is adorable.
